From the eyes of the beholder

For the love of god,
I am actually healing!
I am soooo thankful and grateful!
I guess God had always been listening to my prayers..

It feels like this time round,
Ramadhan is more auspicious for me.
I feel much closer to Him and fasting is no longer a dread to me.
I may not be in the healthiest, wealthiest, happiest condition/position right now,
but I certainly feel a lot more peaceful, patient and forgiving.

I've been me for the past 18 years of my life
and it feels really assuring that I am able to look back at my past now and shut that door.
It's a lifetime experience that I went through on my own.
Survived through it all.
The pain, the hurt, the suffering.
The joy and the glory.
I may not be the most famous or popular girl you've ever known
but that's not important to me.
What I know now is that I have definately grown to become more mature and independant.

I deserve a pat on the back for all that.. Haha..

On the other hand,
I realised that I've finally achieved what I thought I could never deal with.
That is, Independance.
Nothing kills me more than not having constant attention from my bf.
I never could deal with being single for more than 3 weeks! (usually i have a new bf in a week)
And right now girl, I'm officially single for more than 2 months!
Now of course, that's not something girls ever want to celebrate about right..?
But not for me.
It does call for a celebration!
Woohoo~~!! ;D

I bet you'll start asking me why..
Why being single and independant is a great achievement to me right now..?
But before you read any further,
remember to read it with an open heart and an open mind..
So here's why..

When I was a little girl, I was raped.
Didn't know what sex was at that point of time.
It hurts so bad and I cried for days.
But slowly I hang out with the wrong company, bad influence, yada2...
Told me it's great to not be a virgin anymore.
It's the 1st stop to maturity.
Being that little girl who knew nothing about the world, I glee in delight.

Years passed and all my life was about boys, boys and more BOYS.
I was that typical playgirl who has 5 bfs at the same time and kept wanting more.
So all in all, I had about 70++ ex bfs (after that i stopped counting) till about Sec 3.
There was never once at that point of time, did I feel lonely at all.

All that ended when I went to NCC Cadet Officer Course 2007.

I met this guy, we fell in love, we got together.
It was like the honeymoon chapter in my life..

Until June 2009.

Things changed and the world seemed to whizz past me at such a fast motion.
Before I know it, I was sitting on my bed, crying my heart out..
Too painful, too harsh..

30th June 2009.

In the operating theatre,
I felt a sense of loss I've never felt before.
A feeling so strong it felt like I'm losing a hundred lives of the people i love.
Time stood still.
My heart sank.
For the little soul will never be able to come back to me.
Until the day I die..

I have loved a guy so much to change my life.
I felt the wonders of being in my mum's shoes.

And above it all, I lost all of it, even before I could make them live happily ever after with me..

I have lost everything on 30th June 2009.

I have lost my love, my heart, my body, my soul, my life...
I was left with nothing to even grasp on for that glimmer of hope that a miracle will happen.
My bf, whom I thought will be my lifetime partner then, left me shattered.
He could not handle the situation so he just went silent away..

I thought that the power of love is so strong we can conquer everything together.
I guess I was wrong then..

That whole incident left me thinking..
I settled down.
and slowly learnt to be courageous..
I prayed that someday, God will guide me to my destiny.
For I am nothing, nothing at all, without the love of God.

I have fallen so deeply..
but I have never given up on life, love, hope and God.
For who knows, what tomorrow will bring.

And that's, what made me the new me now...

Written by: Yours Truly

I am scared of my infection..
I have yet to see the doctor..
It hurts so bad I now start to have fever..
and my leg veins hurt terribly..
I can't sleep well or do anything much..
and now when i look at it, my flesh seems like it is slowly being eaten away,day by day.
To scare me even more, I found this website and it thoroughly matches with what I am gg thru

In addition, I am a positive TB Infection patient.
There's really nuthing much to say abt that..
If it develops to TB Disease, I hope I dun die because of it..

Everytime I tell myself, "I think he's the right guy for me", I am wrong.
So I shall just sit back, relax and enjoy every min of my lifetime...
because i'll never know when it's time to go..

God, save me....

soo addicted to FB i can actually sit the whole day just browsing it.

RABAK!!

today alone i fucked upside down 3 dudes who made me farking pissed off.

like cb man.

i can't tolerate all these nonsense.

i was in an extremely good mood yest and today all 3 of u decide to provoke me.

pastu semua nak merajok atau step innocent.

kau nak merajok ke bunuh diri ke tu kau peh slua dlm ah sia.

siape mau layan siak.

I want this for Hari Raya.

This for D&D.

And this for my wedding.

Can..???;D

So today onwards, I can officially use MASTERCARD!!!

Happy2!

So now I can do overseas online transactions..

and many2 more..

Faiz said that he got his abt 2 mths later but I got mine rightaway so WHEEEE~!!!

So yeah, tmr take stocks.

Sunday photoshoot.

Abt Tuesday can launch already..

And oh, THANK YOU WANI FOR THE PRESENT!! *and the sec neoprint pic.lol*

and Dmitry also for the lovely present...

SUKERNYER AKU!!!!!

aisey..

happy kepe...

and i realised today that i got menses -.-'

The ultimate break up solution if you're scared to say it to him/her.
HEHE!

And so I miss Tarian....

okay.

I'm extremely exhausted for sleeping only 2 hours ever since the night of my bday.

I now have an extremely low appetite, bad itching @ the same spot as Sarep, giddiness that makes me walk like a drunkard and of course, insomnia.

I wonder if I have any energy to celebrate my lovely bday tmr.

And oh, to add, on my Bday..

I hit a guy so bad when he ATTEMPTED to tickle and/or bite me.

Hit him real bad with my large hair clip directly punched into his forehead and scratched his forehead with it.

I also slapped him.

Man.

I thought u were warned earlier by someone already.

Still want to be cheeky and try ur luck right..?

So u damn deserve it.

And of coz, I din apologize at all after that(:

To all who applied for the post as my bf,it's all rejected!

SORRY!

I have no time to be a rebound,replacement,fuck buddy and what not.

In case you guys have forgotten,this is Dian Farhana,the emotionally-blocked girl.

Part simpan2 feelings utk any guys atau ape2 bentuk kenangan lama tu semua tak main eh.

Nie zaman Fast Forward.

You either catch up or be left behind.

So....

I am currently busy doing up a business proposal for Dmitry's dad to approve.

And soon after he approves it in abt a week's time, we will get our money shortly after.

And I will officially be called a businesswoman and own a physical retail store.

SUKER! ;D

And oh2..in a few mins time I'll be turning 18.

SUKER! ;D

Happy Birthday Dian Farhana Bte Suhaimi.

Hope you will achieve whatever you dreamt of and pursue ur future with great determination.

It will InsyaAllah succeed in time to come.

And if God permits,you will find the right boy pretty soon.

Amin.

*grins*

AKU SUKER LA LIKE FINALLY 18 GITU!

dah plak tu tgh single-mingle.

takde matair pun aku tk sedih.

daripada ader matair yg menyakitkan ati aku jek buat ape.

kan kan kan Nur Fadhilah Bte Zulkepli??? *wink2*

and oh oh..

My bro and his gf bought me Ripcurl rainbow slippers for my bday.

He said I look so pathetic with 1 yellow sequined slippers worn with a maxi dress,so he decided to buy me rainbow slippers so I can match it with MORE outfits.

HEHE!

And last but not least, to all you people reading this, I will be having a mini Bday celebration at Changi Beach,this Saturday 25th July 2009, at 9pm onwards.

Do text or call me if you need more details.

Hope to see u guys there! ;D

With love,
Dian Farhana Bte Suhaimi(: