Project Disaster

From the eyes of the beholder

2009-08-28T07:30:00.004+08:00

For the love of god,
I am actually healing!
I am soooo thankful and grateful!
I guess God had always been listening to my prayers..

It feels like this time round,
Ramadhan is more auspicious for me.
I feel much closer to Him and fasting is no longer a dread to me.
I may not be in the healthiest, wealthiest, happiest condition/position right now,
but I certainly feel a lot more peaceful, patient and forgiving.

I've been me for the past 18 years of my life
and it feels really assuring that I am able to look back at my past now and shut that door.
It's a lifetime experience that I went through on my own.
Survived through it all.
The pain, the hurt, the suffering.
The joy and the glory.
I may not be the most famous or popular girl you've ever known
but that's not important to me.
What I know now is that I have definately grown to become more mature and independant.

I deserve a pat on the back for all that.. Haha..

On the other hand,
I realised that I've finally achieved what I thought I could never deal with.
That is, Independance.
Nothing kills me more than not having constant attention from my bf.
I never could deal with being single for more than 3 weeks! (usually i have a new bf in a week)
And right now girl, I'm officially single for more than 2 months!
Now of course, that's not something girls ever want to celebrate about right..?
But not for me.
It does call for a celebration!
Woohoo~~!! ;D

I bet you'll start asking me why..
Why being single and independant is a great achievement to me right now..?
But before you read any further,
remember to read it with an open heart and an open mind..
So here's why..

When I was a little girl, I was raped.
Didn't know what sex was at that point of time.
It hurts so bad and I cried for days.
But slowly I hang out with the wrong company, bad influence, yada2...
Told me it's great to not be a virgin anymore.
It's the 1st stop to maturity.
Being that little girl who knew nothing about the world, I glee in delight.

Years passed and all my life was about boys, boys and more BOYS.
I was that typical playgirl who has 5 bfs at the same time and kept wanting more.
So all in all, I had about 70++ ex bfs (after that i stopped counting) till about Sec 3.
There was never once at that point of time, did I feel lonely at all.

All that ended when I went to NCC Cadet Officer Course 2007.

I met this guy, we fell in love, we got together.
It was like the honeymoon chapter in my life..

Until June 2009.

Things changed and the world seemed to whizz past me at such a fast motion.
Before I know it, I was sitting on my bed, crying my heart out..
Too painful, too harsh..

30th June 2009.

In the operating theatre,
I felt a sense of loss I've never felt before.
A feeling so strong it felt like I'm losing a hundred lives of the people i love.
Time stood still.
My heart sank.
For the little soul will never be able to come back to me.
Until the day I die..

I have loved a guy so much to change my life.
I felt the wonders of being in my mum's shoes.

And above it all, I lost all of it, even before I could make them live happily ever after with me..

I have lost everything on 30th June 2009.

I have lost my love, my heart, my body, my soul, my life...
I was left with nothing to even grasp on for that glimmer of hope that a miracle will happen.
My bf, whom I thought will be my lifetime partner then, left me shattered.
He could not handle the situation so he just went silent away..

I thought that the power of love is so strong we can conquer everything together.
I guess I was wrong then..

That whole incident left me thinking..
I settled down.
and slowly learnt to be courageous..
I prayed that someday, God will guide me to my destiny.
For I am nothing, nothing at all, without the love of God.

I have fallen so deeply..
but I have never given up on life, love, hope and God.
For who knows, what tomorrow will bring.

And that's, what made me the new me now...

Written by: Yours Truly

2009-08-20T18:17:00.005+08:00

I am scared of my infection..
I have yet to see the doctor..
It hurts so bad I now start to have fever..
and my leg veins hurt terribly..
I can't sleep well or do anything much..
and now when i look at it, my flesh seems like it is slowly being eaten away,day by day.
To scare me even more, I found this website and it thoroughly matches with what I am gg thru

In addition, I am a positive TB Infection patient.
There's really nuthing much to say abt that..
If it develops to TB Disease, I hope I dun die because of it..

Everytime I tell myself, "I think he's the right guy for me", I am wrong.
So I shall just sit back, relax and enjoy every min of my lifetime...
because i'll never know when it's time to go..

God, save me....

2009-08-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

soo addicted to FB i can actually sit the whole day just browsing it.

RABAK!!

2009-08-10T23:48:00.002+08:00

today alone i fucked upside down 3 dudes who made me farking pissed off.

like cb man.

i can't tolerate all these nonsense.

i was in an extremely good mood yest and today all 3 of u decide to provoke me.

pastu semua nak merajok atau step innocent.

kau nak merajok ke bunuh diri ke tu kau peh slua dlm ah sia.

siape mau layan siak.

2009-08-04T17:04:00.002+08:00

I want this for Hari Raya.

This for D&D.

And this for my wedding.

Can..???;D

2009-07-31T23:56:00.004+08:00

So today onwards, I can officially use MASTERCARD!!!

Happy2!

So now I can do overseas online transactions..

and many2 more..

Faiz said that he got his abt 2 mths later but I got mine rightaway so WHEEEE~!!!

So yeah, tmr take stocks.

Sunday photoshoot.

Abt Tuesday can launch already..

And oh, THANK YOU WANI FOR THE PRESENT!! *and the sec neoprint pic.lol*

and Dmitry also for the lovely present...

SUKERNYER AKU!!!!!

aisey..

happy kepe...

and i realised today that i got menses -.-'

2009-07-30T18:27:00.001+08:00

The ultimate break up solution if you're scared to say it to him/her.
HEHE!

2009-07-30T18:05:00.003+08:00

And so I miss Tarian....

2009-07-25T00:42:00.002+08:00

okay.

I'm extremely exhausted for sleeping only 2 hours ever since the night of my bday.

I now have an extremely low appetite, bad itching @ the same spot as Sarep, giddiness that makes me walk like a drunkard and of course, insomnia.

I wonder if I have any energy to celebrate my lovely bday tmr.

And oh, to add, on my Bday..

I hit a guy so bad when he ATTEMPTED to tickle and/or bite me.

Hit him real bad with my large hair clip directly punched into his forehead and scratched his forehead with it.

I also slapped him.

Man.

I thought u were warned earlier by someone already.

Still want to be cheeky and try ur luck right..?

So u damn deserve it.

And of coz, I din apologize at all after that(:

2009-07-21T23:07:00.002+08:00

To all who applied for the post as my bf,it's all rejected!

SORRY!

I have no time to be a rebound,replacement,fuck buddy and what not.

In case you guys have forgotten,this is Dian Farhana,the emotionally-blocked girl.

Part simpan2 feelings utk any guys atau ape2 bentuk kenangan lama tu semua tak main eh.

Nie zaman Fast Forward.

You either catch up or be left behind.

So....

I am currently busy doing up a business proposal for Dmitry's dad to approve.

And soon after he approves it in abt a week's time, we will get our money shortly after.

And I will officially be called a businesswoman and own a physical retail store.

SUKER! ;D

And oh2..in a few mins time I'll be turning 18.

SUKER! ;D

Happy Birthday Dian Farhana Bte Suhaimi.

Hope you will achieve whatever you dreamt of and pursue ur future with great determination.

It will InsyaAllah succeed in time to come.

And if God permits,you will find the right boy pretty soon.

Amin.

*grins*

AKU SUKER LA LIKE FINALLY 18 GITU!

dah plak tu tgh single-mingle.

takde matair pun aku tk sedih.

daripada ader matair yg menyakitkan ati aku jek buat ape.

kan kan kan Nur Fadhilah Bte Zulkepli??? *wink2*

and oh oh..

My bro and his gf bought me Ripcurl rainbow slippers for my bday.

He said I look so pathetic with 1 yellow sequined slippers worn with a maxi dress,so he decided to buy me rainbow slippers so I can match it with MORE outfits.

HEHE!

And last but not least, to all you people reading this, I will be having a mini Bday celebration at Changi Beach,this Saturday 25th July 2009, at 9pm onwards.

Do text or call me if you need more details.

Hope to see u guys there! ;D

With love,
Dian Farhana Bte Suhaimi(:

2009-07-20T22:19:00.002+08:00

okay......

this has come to a point that it is indeed scary.

today alone,2 more guys asked for my num...

like hello?

I didnt even have powder on!

1 guy asked my num while he was in the car..

stopped right in front of me when I ignored his wolf-whistle.

another was walking with me from the bus stop and suddenly asked me where I stay.

and of course,my num.

seriously man....

muke toyek,badan mcm babi gini pun ader org nak.

PELIK!

2009-07-19T22:40:00.002+08:00

Today went for kompang competition..

and yet another guy asked for my num.

lol.

no,I'm not a hot stuff.

I just have the charms.

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

nolar...

I gotta go do my bracelets but I'm damn tired la.

Die2 tmr haf to do lor....

Good luck to me then.

pfft.

2009-07-19T02:09:00.002+08:00

Today was pretty fun(:

Went to Food Culture with Fad to catch up with the latest gossips and had our fav Ban Mian for lunch..

After that we headed down to SKIM for a while (we saw Khaty on the bike! ;D )and then Esplanade to watch the fireworks with Wani and Fi..

As soon as we reached Esplanade,I saw this dude who looked SOO familiar like a guy who used to like me.

It's carbon-copy similar okay..

And he kept looking at me..

So I thought, "Maybe it is him."

And then I waved at him.

He smiled shyly and waved back.

I smiled and walked off.

And then he did those mat-way-of-nak-kenal-kenal kind of whistle so I just ignored him.

And then I asked Fad, "Have you ever been in a situation thinking that you actually waved at ur friend but the fact is that ur waving at a total stranger..?"

And true enough,someone tapped me at the shoulder and said, "Er Hi,my friend nak kenal2 with u. Nak mintak number bole..?"

The guy that I waved at walked SOO shyly to me and his hands shook so much when he passed me his hp.

He was that segan I tell you.

And so,it struck me that I DID wave at a total stranger.

Mistaken identity manzzzz.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

kental ah Dian.

aisey.

paisey.

confidentzz....LOL!

He then ajak us lepak at Marina to watch fireworks together.

So we all did..

Talked,blah3 and we all went our separate ways.

He said "Jgn noti2 kay bby.."

Triple LOL!

Like hello...baru kenal sia......

da feeling matair kepe.

So went home,took my bracelets from my dear Ferdie at my void deck,and msn-ed.

Btw,my long lost friend finally emailed me.

He actually googled my full name Dian Farhana Bte Suhaimi.

Tracked my blog and then added me on msn and emailed me.

Just to wish me Happy Bday.

My gawd.

He,out of so many ppl,actually remembered my bday..?

Sweet~ ;D

So yeah..

I've gotta attend a Dikir Competition lata so yeah,will update again! ;D

2009-07-17T01:14:00.003+08:00

Today was rather tiring..

Woke up like superr early to open pushcart and stayed on till abt 6pm.

Reached home,unpacked,bathed and slept till abt 11pm.

After that, ate Nasi Goreng Seafood when i woke up.

Shortly after,I started working on my charm bracelets.

Bongkar satu tool box carik pliers okay..

I'm sooo free to DIY now..LOL

And for an amateur,more like a first-timer,I find my work not bad at all.

HAHA!

I put together 6 pieces of bracelets and tmr I shall go to Arab Street to get the hooks and charms to link on to it.

And then I'm DONE!

I need to do 4 more bracelets by tmr so that I have 10.

And about another 15 bracelets so that I have about 25 pieces to get ready for next week's pushcart.

Mampos jari-jemari dainty aku.LOL

Keh here are the preview of the bracelets.

Lum siap tau!

Nnt da siap leh tgk lagi kay..Hehe

Nah tgk..

2009-07-14T03:02:00.001+08:00

tell me if I'm just a waste of ur time.
so I don't have to waste my effort.
thanks again for doing this to me.

2009-07-14T02:23:00.002+08:00

Dian took the Who is your lifetime match? quiz and the result is They are born between 24th October - 22nd November -[aisey,not Gemini ah. SORRY BOYS! lol!]-

People sometimes find you cold, reserved and passive. (sometimes?more like all the time)
This just means they don't know you well enough because in reality you're warm and passionate with a sensitivity to nature and natural beauty. (hehe...tul2)
But you hide your feelings. (HAHAHAHAHA. keh ah. i do hide my TRUE feelings)
You're a natural worrier and as soon as you fall in love, you're afraid of being deserted. (even when I'm not in love I worry being deserted.lol)
It's this fear that too often prevents you from committing or doing what feels right deep down: for example, leaving a someone you love due to fear of them abandoning you one day. (ah2...better ditch them before they ditch u i always say)
But over time, you gain confidence in yourself and your relationships have a better chance of lasting. ( maybe.. (: )
Hidden agendas don't exist with you pair, as you both expect honesty and loyalty from one another no matter how brutal it may be. (violent...)
You complete one another, with these people you are able to have an intellectual debate or those deep conversations which you crave. (not so deep cn? I dun wanna lose.lol!)
The sexual chemistry between you to will last a lifetime and you only improve with age. (more like improve with experience.hahahaha)
They respect your reserved nature as they are a big believer in privacy themselves and will allow you to naturally come out of your shell. (Alhamdullilah...)
Finally, you would have met someone who matches your stamina in and out of the bedroom...but not just in the bedroom of course.
They will go the distance with you.
Just listen to your heart more instead of doing the most sensible thing all the time. (I know...but must think logically and block ur emotions 1st...)
Listen WITH your heart and you will understand. (I TRY MY BEST HOR...)

2009-07-13T22:54:00.002+08:00

my heart is made of ice.
so cold,so hard.
but starts to melt at the slightest sense of warmth.

if only u could understand that.

u hurt me real bad.
big time.
and now u wanna apologize?
i'm sorry i dun accept ur apology.
nak, tgu hari raya ah jack.
itupun InsyaAllah aku maafkan.

u start to have feelings for me?
my smile and image is stuck in ur head?
right................
after u made me ur punching bag becoz of a minah who made u angry u expect me to say itz ok??
NO!
Itz NOT okay!
and it will never be!
tk bersalah siak aku.

I've never personally attacked ur flaw.
I never judged u or needed ur judgement.
So what if my tummy hurts???
Now den u give a damn???
Hello, for your information.
I am Dian Farhana Bte Suhaimi.
Not Minah Tap & Go.
satu pergi sepuluh aku bole ketip ah.
aku tk perlu org mcm kau yg sengaja nak sakitkan ati aku.

sorry naik lorry ah sial.
jgn nak step buat baik atau sweet talk aku ah.
kau pikir aku bdk taik kepe?

my secrets safe wid u?
HUH!
the next time ur pissed off TRUST me ur gonna unleash all my secrets to the world.

Ur just a jerk.
U deserve to die la.

Asshole.

Call me bitch some more.

2009-07-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

You are fine, you are sweet
Fine, I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close, I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak and I feel sparks

But I don't wanna be into you
If you're not looking for true love
No, I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one, so tell me

When it's not alright, when it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever
Or run away?

When you call I don't know
If I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends
Who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy

But I don't wanna be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See, I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe
Feel safe

Say that it's gonna be alright
That it's gonna be ok
Don't run away, don't run away

Let me know if it's gon' be you
Boy, you got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away

So let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you'll help me shine
Will you wipe my tears away?
Will you hold me closer?

prove it to me pls...

2009-07-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door and
Take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay

heartache

2009-07-13T00:17:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I did it but I certainly did it alright.
I took out 1 cigarette from probably my dad's or bro's cigarette box.
Winner Menthol.
I lit it up.
And I smoked it halfway.
Ahmad insisted that I put it out so I did to stop him from nagging.
Funny taste in my mouth.
Felt like nothing.
And the funny part was that I shivered while smoking.
LOL.
Keh bai

2009-07-12T20:22:00.002+08:00

I feel so lost.
So dead.
Spending my lazy days either at home or out jalan2.
Not working or schooling.
Just lazing ard and sitting at home like good girls do.
Hah.

Tmr I gotta go for my checkup to ensure that I'm alright.
After that I'm heading to PS Daiso to buy some storage stuffs and Tamp MRT to buy some DIY stuffs.
Tuesday pushcart again.
Hope all goes well like on Friday.

I'm so horrible I always make ppl say that it's the worst day of their lifetime because of me.
Well, at least I'm very honest even when I know that the truth hurts.
At least I am open to those whom I really care about.
The sooner you find out,the lesser the hurt.

Sighs.

I wanna start work soon so that I don't have time to think abt all these can..?

On a lighter note,my Big(or ot so big afterall) Bday is coming soon!
In 10 days time!

Kak Masz wants to celebrate it with me at Dbl O.
Hahahaha.
Cucuk2 langit gegerl.

And my cuzzies wants to celeb it with me at I think the Flyover..?

How abt my besties?
Surprise me can..?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
tk tau malu.

And and,
how abt ur plans for my bday Ahmad?
lol!

Eddy!
Buy me the shoe asap cn so u dun complain I high maintenance.
(of which,at least,I don't think I am)
keke.

My family wants to celebrate it at the usual hangout spot,
CHANGI BEACH.
kay best.
Nenek go calling2 relatives and members so I can get more kaching2 or pretzies!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Nie lagi sumpah tk tau malu.

Then the rest of you just a simple Bday wish will do(:

okay cheers! ;D

2009-07-11T12:46:00.002+08:00

Okay this pic was taken I think 3 weeks ke 4 weeks ago. Ahmad said I've been losing weight ever since after operation. I wonder how true is that. Shall take another full length photo of myself again soon(:

2009-07-09T00:35:00.003+08:00

I went to collect the $35 studz and the moment I opened the package,I was SOOOO utterly disappointed!

It was SOOO small and the paint work for the black 1 was mostly peeling off.

like CB man.

Lesson learnt.

Buy ur DIY stuffs at the shop itself,not online.

pfft.the hassle of buying things offline.
____________________________________________________________________
kay besok nak kene gi Popular @ Tamp Mall get some stuffs.

then probably head down get the accessories.

I'll make it just in time for Friday's pushcart.

kay go.
____________________________________________________________________

WANI!!

I swear I'm gonna sell off my hot pink bodycon dress and black flare dress coz cam sumpah tk confident nak pakai.

lol!

and oh,not forgetting the gold glossy skirt too!

like...ermz...nak pakai gi mane sei? -.-'
____________________________________________________________________

I've been lullabied every night and it's soo extremely sweet!

Bole potong kaki!

Dian completed the quiz "What's your ideal man?" with the result The Artist.

You like a man with a creative mind, one who has a unique way of thinking.
Individualism is crucial in your choice of men, and not just any Joe Shmoe can get your attention.
He could be a singer, songwriter, dancer, painter, musician, actor, writer, etc.
He is very smart, whether or not he finished school.
He's sensitive, and emotional- often making them prone to drug and/or alcohol abuse.
He may even be prone to depression.
Your love making would most likely be very intense, and passionate, but a relationship may prove to be trying on both of you.
If you are lucky, he will have already achieved fame, or at least found his direction in life, but most likely he will be struggling in some way or another.
If you can survive these struggles as a couple (figuratively and literally), which may include drug rehab and poverty, you will be one amazing couple!

woah...nie mcm matrep2 jiwang penyayang memang patot aku date ah?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!
____________________________________________________________________
ADA ORG JEALOUS SEII....

suke eh baca blog kita.lol.

and oh, I realise that a lot of people have been reading my blog.

itz not entirely a bad thing.

it's just a realisation.

thought i'm just ranting on my own.

but it seems like ppl have been following up.

HAHA.
____________________________________________________________________
went facial today and trust me,it was HORRIBLE!

the extraction was like damn KNNCCB painful siaaa...

my face bled like mad.

the stupid therapist practically pierced into my skull!

CAN I PLS GET BACK THE FLAWLESS SKIN I USED TO HAVE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
____________________________________________________________________

k da,enuff ranting for today(:

2009-07-08T02:18:00.001+08:00

the sound of your voice tickles my little heart...

slow and steady here we go!

2009-07-07T07:21:00.003+08:00

Yesterday met Wani!!
Did some usual catching up session,shopped,ate.

Bought 1 hot pink Topshop inspired bodycon dress, 1 black tank flare dress, 1 zipper basic top, 1 red and black checkered blouse and 2 bras.HAHA!

Today I'm gonna be at TP handling the pushcart,afterwhich I'll be gg to Cityhall to collect my jacket.SUKER!

And oh,Sarep posted this up and I loike it!

CANCER (The Cutie)
MOST AMAZING KISSER. (kay WHO WANTS A KISS NOW? hehe)
Very high appeal. (woooooo~schexaye.....)
Love is one of a kind. (always been 70+ of the time.HAHAHAHAHA)
Very romantic. (kening naik2.. ;D)
Most caring person you will ever meet! (sumpah betul,at least i think so..HAHA)
Entirely creative. (creative giler...tapi cant seem to show it)
Extremely random and proud of it. (nie tk perlu ckp ah.u all know better.lol)
Freak. (what FREAK???)
Spontaneous. (kay ah,some sort gitu2 ah)
Great telling stories. (tapi tak bual world eh.cuma dramatic sikit jek part story2 nie)
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. (sapa2 mau?)
Someone you should hold on to. (aisey..bikin I malu jek.. HEHE!)

AND AND AND...because I have a few darlings who are in this category,I shall post it up too..

GEMINI (Irresistible)
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good in bed. (HAHAHAHA) Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. (i KNOW! it's like true for all the Gemini babies I know) Always happy.. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. (Nie pun sumpah betol) Loves to make out. (cheeky eh korg!) Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. (tul tak tul nie.....LOL)

Can see we have sooo much in common? Thats why we click! Hehe..

I'm not saying I can't click with other babies but I click with Geminis most.

Now I want a Gemini bf. PLS PLS PREETY PLS!!!

okla,shall update more probably tonite. Keh bai.

2009-07-06T03:49:00.001+08:00

I'm buying this! YEAY! SUKER!!!

2009-07-04T14:49:00.003+08:00

u stood me up.
i waited and waited...
i reserved this special day for u.
and yet..
no calls.
no texts.
no you.
you promised.
and i hate it when people break their promises to me.
i don't deserve this.
and u don't deserve me.
i love with all my heart.
and definately,u don't deserve it.

It's over between us.

2009-07-04T04:48:00.003+08:00

i bought 1 more MAXI dress today!
AND I LOVE IT!!

Bought 2 more kimono dresses...
Fixed my heels..
and ate seafood at JB.
hehe..

and OH OH.
I was waiting for Ahmad at Mac today and a dude passed me his number, written on a little piece of paper, through his cousin.
sempatzzzzzz.

i've been noting down silently in my head. whatever that happened around me. the good,the bad. i know where i stand and i know who's there for me and who acts like they they're there for me. when i'm down and when they're down, it's different. why should i give a damn abt others who only say they care but no actions to prove it at all. haiz. and the best part,it's the most important ones that i thought cared,but clearly,they have other things to worry about than me.

mum said," To know if someone truly cares bout you,they will be there for you,seeing you as much as possible,asking you if you're alright a gazillion times a day,ENSURING that you are alright by truly taking care of you till you're REALLY alright, when you're feeling sick and in the deepest shit."

and true enough, only my family,ahmad and yeah..whatever.cares enough to prove that to me.

2009-07-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

Today I went to watch TRANSFORMERS!!
Suker~! ;D
Best sekali!
Rating I give 5/5 reel bites!
Hehe..

After that went SHOPPING!!
Bought myself 2 pairs of heels, 1 pump shoe, 1 maxi dress(believe it or not), 1 kimono dress, 1 gold glossy skirt(like wth but it was on impulse!), 8 pairs of earrings(giler babi dramatic ones),1 black tights(a necessity, along with 1 black and 1 white tubes (to avoid revealing too much boobies.hehe)
AND AND AND...
Tmr I'm gg shopping again!!
To buy another maxi dress and probably 2 more kimono dresses(it's my current craze)

And oh,I found out that I actually looked pretty good in maxi dresses,I just gotta pick the right ones! ;D
I also ordered 4 jackets from Taiwan spree and I can't wait for it to arrive!
SUKER!!

Tmr I'm gonna mend about 3 of my heels and after that heading to TP for food at ITAS!
YEAY!!

So today and tmr I'll be enjoying myself so darn much.
HEHE!

THANK YOU AHMAD DARLING FOR ACCOMPANYING ME!(;

2009-06-30T19:53:00.004+08:00

9am.
Off to the Operating Theatre.
My teeth chattered and my body shivered uncontrollably.
It was like a sudden rush of cold wind that past,sending chills to my body.
The nurse put on the drip and oxygen mask for me.
Jabbed me in my left hand that slowly made my body numb.
The sweet-smelling smell of Anaesthesia put me to sleep in no time.

10am.
My eyes slowly opened and nurses started to talk to me.
"The operation is done. Good job."
In that instant,I vomitted onto the floor,shivering like mad.
Nurses rushed to get something quick.
In a split second,I was jabbed again.
The vomitting stopped.
I dazed.
They put on layers of blanket on me and an air heater below the blankets.
Sheer relief for a moment.
My eyes slowly shut.

11am.
Woke up again.
This time,I swear I started cursing people in my mind.
The horrible pain I felt was so excruciating I kept wriggling to slowly make the pain subside.
I bleed and bleed and bleed.
And finally they pronounced that I was suffering from over-bleeding.
Not common but I am miraculously in that category of 0.01%.
The rest of the patients before and after me looked so good,well,healthy,relieved and by 12am,they were slowly gone.
I stayed.
Feeling pathetic and so horrible.
The one who is facing the whole burden was me.
Not anyone.
But me.
I swear I cursed again SO much in my mind.

1pm.
The bleeding thankfully lessen.
I ate some biscuits and drank Milo.
I was not allowed to consume anything after 11am last night.
My energy level slowly regained.

2pm.
Discharged.

3pm.
Home.
Ate Nasi Lemak.
Slept like a baby.

Thank you my dear friends who have shown concern to me in my most life-turning experience. I swear I wouldn't want to be in that Operating Theatre for the same reason again. Inside,there were 95% m*****. I am clearly not surprised when they talked to each other like as if this operation was just another operation that they are already seasoned to. I swear,the next person who wants me to do this,will die of a highly dangerous disease. For putting me in this spot, I will NEVER ever forgive you.May you rot in hell.

Ya Allah,selamatkanlah dia sepanjang hayatku.
Maafkanlah kesilapan hambamu ini yang kerdil dan lemah.
Kerana satu saat nnt,akanku temuinya yang ku hilang kali ini.

2009-06-30T05:24:00.001+08:00

8am. Wish me luck.

2009-06-28T22:11:00.009+08:00

Today was SNT's Outing 2!

We had lotsa fun and took TRUCKLOADS of pics.
In my cam only got a bit la but in aishah's cam,I'm sure there's maany3 more yet for me to see! Hehe.

So for 1st stop,met at Far East Plaza abt 3 plus,they were craving for Cahaya but boy the service SUCKS big time! Nobody came to attend to us regardless of the GAZILLION times we tried to call them to take our orders. So girls being girls (more like classy ones,hehe) we got up and left for Sakura instead. And I doubt we regretted that decision for even a teeny-weeny bit! We have heavy cash with us okay,it's Cahaya's loss,not ours. So yeah. Here are the pics at Cahaya;D

So we reached Sakura and quickly browsed through the menu for our orders...

And after that it's CAMWHORING TIME! ;D

So those who came were of course,me, AND Dian... (2 different ppl okay,1 more alim,another one more of a bad girl=>me of course.lol)

Fadhilah... (Fad/Baby Pe'ah)

Sharifah... (Sarep/Shikin/Princess Petom)

Syuhadah... (Baby Syu)

Aishah... (Ais/Vice President)

AND Khatijah (Khaty/Kat/President)

After that,we headed off to Marina Barrage!!(:

Finally,we reached Marina Barrage by shuttlebus. There were 2 ongoing events. 1 was the Singapore Water Week and DragonBoat Festival. HOT HOT BODZ BEBEH!!! Kening naik2..

Finally we settled down and bentang-ed our placemat. After that I dun have to mention already la hah..It's CAMWHORING TIME!! ;D *I LOVE THIS PIC LIKE SERIOUSLY!!*

Here are our kites of course!(:

And more camwhoring...and camwhores.hehe...

Da penat camwhore we settled down to play games and makan of course! Hehe. We played this I-dunno-what-is-it-called game (probably paam para para/tonggak tonggak/kuchi kuchi game??) and Truth or Dare, before Syu and the rest had to go off already...

We stayed for a little longer until my parents fetched us and home sweet home we went(:

The scenery again..at night...

The End:)

2009-06-27T14:52:00.003+08:00

i cried when i listened to this song.

too close to how i feel at this point in time.

Never Too Far
Artist:Mariah Carey

You're with me
Til the bitter end
What we had transcends
This experience
Too painful to
Talk about
So I'll hold it in
Til my heart can mend
And be brave enough to love again

A place in time
Still belongs to us
Stays preserved in my mind
In the memories there is solace

Never too far away
I won't let time erase
One bit of yesterday
Cause I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
though we can never be
I'll keep you close to me
When I remember

Glittering lights
Incandescent eyes
Still preserved
In my mind
In the memories I'll find solace

Love

You're never too far

2009-06-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

"Health experts have long warned of the risk of obesity, but a new Japanese study warns that being very skinny is even more dangerous, and that slightly chubby people live longer." MSN News

Cool or whut?? Now lets gain some more pounds bebeh! Hehe...

2009-06-24T00:35:00.005+08:00

Bored and decided to do MAKEOVERS!! haha.. Me,my mum and my nenek. Sumpah muka aku tk make up giler babinyer ugly. I don't have natural beauty. Thanks.

Collection #5 [Vintage Vantage] photoshoot

2009-06-23T04:39:00.006+08:00

Raw and edited sneak preview! I am soo loving ze piccas~! Hehe! ;D

2009-06-20T04:07:00.005+08:00

Singapore River Festival! Btw, meet my twin sis, Diana. Hehe. She's a drag queen. Hot okay. ;D I can't put up Yaya's piccas or she'll kill me. She complained she looked weird in photos today. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Hehe. I looked extra putih today dunno why. Maybe it's the flashlight. And oh,I LOVE MY AWESOME NEW DRESS!!! Keh bai.

2009-06-17T20:10:00.000+08:00

So my stripper name is Blaze Dreamchest.
ALWAYS got to do with my chest.
My minahrep name is Titit Kecyk.
ergh.
lol.

2009-06-17T00:36:00.003+08:00

So i participated in this event known as Singapore's 1st Blogger Flash Mob. You'll see my face (only 1 wearing shades), Cik Lin and Yaya (dancing) in the video.lol. AND we got tickets to watch 2 of Singapore River Festival's performances,namely, Read Bridge Spectacular - Flights of Fantasy (an aerial acrobatic act performed 10m above the Read Bridge) and A River Romance - Dance Musical. We also got a cruise down the River courtesy of DUCKtours AND an exclusive Ultimate Pyjamas Party @ The Arena (to party the night away)!!!! All thse happening on 19 June 09, Friday. I CAN'T WAIT!!! ;D

2009-06-16T23:30:00.001+08:00

i want to order thse jackets by the end of the month and hopefully i'll receive by 1-2 months. anybody else wanna order with me..? and oh,yaya! I want ze piccas! AND,pls choose 1 jacket below as ur advance bday gift from me? hehe. THANK YOU! ;D

2009-06-16T22:06:00.003+08:00

everyone's busy with their own lives.
haiz..
i guess I'll have to go alone tmr then.

baby's ill.
running a temperature.

and i'm bored stiff at home.
that guy kept calling me but i didn't answer his calls.
not in the mood to entertain him.

at 1st,i thought,maybe ur different.
but u proved to be just the same.
pfft.

can you imagine..
that u love someone (maybe ur bf) or u have a crush on someone..
so much.
but...
he doesnt feel the same way as u do?
he never actually moved on even when he said so?

i watched Fighting Spiders just now.
and it felt like fuck.
it felt like I was her.
and damn it.
it felt soo horrible.

and I watched Red Thread.
abt Carol and Justin.
damn it.
the guy u love doesnt wanna marry u even when he made u pregnant??
he insisted on marrying another woman because he loved her,not you??
the feelings rushed to me like a gust of strong wind.

WHY AM I WATCHING THESE?!?!?!

ergh.
i'm exhausted from this love rollercoaster ride.
i truly am.
how could anyone say I love you without meaning it..?
how could anyone do that...?

"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him"

2009-06-16T19:07:00.005+08:00

OMG!!!

i've got an offer to participate in a project as a face model(my body cannot make it lar) for an advertisement in magazines!!

WOW!!

exact project details will be out tmr when i come for the selection.

I can't believe this.

this is DOPE!

2009-06-16T17:34:00.001+08:00

Paris Hilton and soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo are determined to stay together, even though his mother doesn't approve of the romance.

even miracles happen to playgirls or bad girls.
why not me right..?
;)

2009-06-16T15:48:00.002+08:00

i miss my PTI.
i want to meet my PTI today.
hurhur.
yesterday nt enuff ;(

NISA!!
suker eh kau.
skrg da leh carik matair kan.???
LOL

to someone it feels so retarded when u say nice things to me and all but deep inside u actually dun mean it.
it wasn't for me.
it was for that girl.
sucks.
i'm not a rebound girl.
and i hate it when u acted like I'm all that when i'm not.

to another someone
there's really nothing much I can say right?
i have to move on because i dun wanna be stuck in a r'ship thats not gg anywhere.
i guess like u said,maybe we're just better off as friends.
And oh,Happy 19th Birthday(:

2009-06-16T00:58:00.000+08:00

i broke my promise.
but i didn't regret it.
hehe.
baby2..
;D

2009-06-14T13:35:00.002+08:00

Some major misunderstandings cost me my love life.

but itz okay.

another experience for me to put in my memory box.

another sad love story to write in a chapter of my life.

But I'm still here,standing on my own two feet.

I got up on my own.

I survived all these.

People often ask me, "How do you recover so fast..?"

And I always reply them the same thing.

"No guy is worth your tears. If they are,they will never make you cry."

I finally wrote off the last chapter of my most recent r'ship,with you know who.

I don't think I wish to open that book ever again.

I'll seal it till it never sees daylight.

I really have to.

I don't want to keep hurting myself anymore..

Knowing that I loved someone so much only to keep hurting myself with his senseless words.

Always misjudging me.

Always demoralizing me.

And how did he do all that...?

By saying,"I don't think I'm good enough for you".

2009-06-14T02:29:00.003+08:00

CAN I KILL HER

ALREADY?!?!?!?!?!

The 28-year-old socialite (Paris Hilton) was seen kissing soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo (!!!!!!!!) on Wednesday night (10.06.09), less than 24 hours after she split from Doug.

The pair left Los Angeles club MyHouse together at 3am, driving straight to sister Nicky Hilton's nearby house in West Hollywood.

Cristiano - who is moving from English team Manchester United to Spanish club Real Madrid in a reported £80 million transfer - was videoed leaving the mansion at 5am with a cheeky smile on his face.

2009-06-14T01:51:00.003+08:00

It's funny how I am the best at giving advices on the topic of Love & Relationships

but I never actually had a decent r'ship throughout my 17+ years of life?

Weird indeed but it's as true as it sounds.

But I concluded,that I am able to advice,because I've always had such bad experiences.

I could relate to everything that ppl shared with me because I felt it all before.

Guys who were'nt faithful,guys who never kept their promises,guys that dun do anything at all,guys who like my own friends,guys who only care abt their friends,guys who take drugs,guys that end up in jail.

you name it girl.

I've always envied ppl who had long r'ships, a great partner, a perfect husband, the most wonderful r'ship, ppl dying to be with them even if it takes a million years.

But envy is all I can feel.

I dunno how its like to actually be in such a r'ship.

A r'ship that is borne from the endurance and effort of 2 hearts and souls,combined to perfectly accomodate each other.

But Maybe there's no such thing as a perfect r'ship.

Because nobody is perfect?

But there is certainly such a thing as compromise.

And comprising is the best way to perfectly accomodate each other.

Don't you think so..?

In every kind of r'ship and friendship,the key to sustain it is to compromise.

And that was something new I discovered only today...

2009-06-14T00:44:00.000+08:00

okay i'll update tmr. keh bai.

2009-06-12T22:37:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I'm gonna do something crazy tmr.
Thanks to my dearest cousin who called me at 6am to share with me this "spicy" news!

OMG.
Tmr I will reveal to all of you what we will be doing okay.
Hopefully there's coverage on this on the news or mags or sumthing.
If not,Kak Masz will help us video it and take our piccas.
So no worries.

This is only gonna be a few mins event but trust me,
WE'LL NEVER FORGET IT THROUGHOUT OUR WHOLE LIFE!

On the contrary,
I'm pretty excited that I'll be doing something that I'm EXTREMELY reluctant to do.
LOL!
All in the name of fun huh..? ;D

But of course,
nothing in life is for free.
So.......
Yaya has to die2 accompany me go Ahmad's chalet tmr.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
And she can't say No! ;D

Any who...
I bought 3 pretzies for 3 June Bday Babies!!
1 Girl and 2 Boys.
AND I LOVE WHAT I BOUGHT FOR THEM!
Haha!

Okla2,I tell u who I bought pretzies for okay...

I bought pretzie for Wani Darling!
whose bday is on 16 June.

Also on the same day would be Faiz Dear!
his present is soooo phweeeweeeet~~!! ;D

Last but not the least is Ahmad Syg!!!
I hope you like what I bought coz I think it's really nice(:
Hehe.

All in all,
I spent about $100++ on their pretzies and boxes/cards etc

But itz okay,
I love em' all ;D

And oh oh,
u can click on this link for really nice shoes ;D
http://thevoguelab.livejournal.com/11347.html#cutid1

Tmr I'm heading to Heeren..
Let me see what I shall shop for at Far East Plaza.
YIPPEE~!

2009-06-12T02:54:00.002+08:00

i know this is SOOO delayed but i'm sure u'll read it somehow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AHMAD BIN NANWAR!!!

Ur finally 18!!
hehe.
my time will come soon ;D

Hope u have a blissful life and stop being so emo k???
If u want to emo can call,text or meet me.
Will be glad to talk to you ;)

Till then,
take care darl!
MUACKS~!!! ;D

2009-06-12T01:33:00.002+08:00

i made a promise.
supposedly a contract.
hehe.

that i will not be in a r'ship till 1st Jan 10

goddd~
how will i survive?
that will be my longest period of singlehood!
i'm not sure if i can do this.

but a promise is a promise.
and promises are what makes me;me.
i value promises as a form of respect and responsibility.

so guys,wait up!
hehe~

2009-06-09T15:35:00.003+08:00

eh korg, kalau nak beli kasut jambu2 leh beli pat sini..

http://towalkwithme.livejournal.com/

and

http://community.livejournal.com/spreedosages/5388.html

tapi preorder so kene tgu lagi 2 weeks for it to reach u..

ader lagi arh blogshops holding preorder kasut jambu2 but kerana kebodohan aku,aku tk save plak.lupe.

ok yok kita beli kasut baru! hehe ;D

2009-06-08T19:32:00.003+08:00

WANI!!!

gambar aku stop it eh..

flintstone's daughter kepe...LOL!

anw thanks for the really sweet and thoughtful post

really appreciate it! ;D

and of coz,u are 1 of my 3 bestest best friend as i dun have any other bestfriends or friends other than the 3 of u(:

okay nah take that! hehe..

kesian sarep tk bersalah.lol!

2009-06-08T13:56:00.000+08:00

I'm eyeing on these! when i get my moolah i'm purchasing it all~

2009-06-08T01:19:00.002+08:00

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Jokes of the day

2009-06-08T01:12:00.001+08:00

[1] Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

[2] A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

2009-06-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

case closed.
i'm one happy girl.
yippeee~~!!

no old freaks in my life anymore! ;D

2009-06-07T18:29:00.001+08:00

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cuz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cuts me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm in this condition
And i've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give it to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

All my life...

An example of how I do up my plans

2009-06-06T14:05:00.012+08:00

My aim is to achieve the face and body that I had 2 years ago as shown below and in my previous post with baju raya(that 1 my baju kebaya is from primary 6 nya okay..then sec 4 finally can fit again)

-PLAN-

starting from 15 june here's gonna be my routine till 22 july.

[1] wake up in the morning go jogging/gym (will rotate everyday)
[2] come back for another refreshing bath and eat
[3] do whatever i feel like doing/have to do, till night time
[4] night time go jog at the nearby park for awhile
[5] come back for ANOTHER refreshing bath and put on my facial mask
[6] peel off mask,wash up a little and then sleep

why 22 july?
because after that I will be officially 18 and i'm gonna be working full time.
thus the change in routine.

and once in a while i will:

[1] go waxing
[2] go for my monthly facial which i have neglected already (thus my face)
[3] go for my eyebrow trimming (which i'm always lazy to fix an appointment for)
[4] visit the dentist! (to get a beautiful smile and of course teeth)
[5] visit the hair saloon for a hair revamp(:

reasons being:

[1] need to get in shape
[2] need to relax and destress
[3] need to let my rotten face recover to its original skin
[4] need to do something abt the kaki and the bulu-s
[5] need to start the wind of change(:

i've stocked up/need to stock up on supplies of:

[1] facial masks
[2] fruits!
[3] cocoa butter/ shea butter lotion to apply on my kurap kaki.hehe.
[4] loads of small and tight clothes to motivate myself to fit in em'

budget till 22 july for all of the above: $30 (masks) + $15 (lotion) +$50 (final payment for my facial package) + $150 (dentist,waxing and hair)-> need to go check out actual price 1st to quote better budget = $250 ~ $300

how to get money:

[1] $200 hopefully by Sunday
[2] mum owes me abt $70-$80
[3] i'll get quite a large sum of money soon

what to buy/pay for 1st:

[1] remaining amt for my facial package
[2] my 35 facial masks
[3] my lotion for kurap.hehe.
[4] dentist
[5] waxing
[6] hair saloon

additional points/notes to remember:

[1] no dieting coz it leads to binge-ing (tried,tested,proven)
[2] but must eat only when hungry and eat s-l-o-w-l-y to feel full faster w/o eating too much
[3] FOLLOW THE PLAN VERY VERY CLOSELY
[4] take care of myself
[5] rest well
[6] be happy(:

so yeay~!
happy girl i am(:

-so this is an example of how i do up my plan-
cheers~!

2009-06-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

okay nak makan nie.tkleh tahan.besok i will turun compass sakura for this.

2009-06-04T00:25:00.006+08:00

here's what i have to say.

the breakup could have been better if...

(1)he had DAMMIT said it to me and not put it in the blog and expect me to twist the words and meaning ard before i actually realise it

(2)he hadn't CRIED and said "I'll never leave u" and "Why is it so easy for u to let me go?" 2 days before the break up when he was the 1 who left? Ironic??

(3)he had fucking even replied my msg when i asked him whether he actually wants a break up instead of posting up a fucked up emo post saying all this and that.. Dats the best for me like fuck yeah. DAMMIT if u can put up a new post,u can reply 1 fucking msg

(4)all his friends and relatives stop thinking that i am a fucking cibai minah who doesnt deserve a "good" guy like him. hell ur not his gf,u wouldn't know

(5)he hadnt been so fucked up to leave me when i'm fucked up. fucked up right? good.

Okay so all of u know now why I've got him "erased,replaced" yet again??

COZ HE'S A FUCKING SELFISH DUDE WHO ONLY FUCKING CARES ABOUT HIMSELF.

I'm sorry for the extreme vulgarities but I certainly cannot accept it when ppl say things without even knowing the real situation. What? Just because ur his fren u hafta side him? lame siak. U can go suck his balls siaa (of which is already shoved up in his ass rmb..?)

And to all u minahs out there,

1) A Minah is only a Minah when she denies that she is one.
2) As long as you are a Malay girl, you're automatically a Minah.
3) A Minah is a true Minah if she likes to call other people Minah.
4) Minah and Minahrep are entirely different things, do not confuse them.

So jgn nak step bebual mcm kau mananya tak minah when u call others a minah. stop it sak. even i dun call others minah.

2009-06-03T23:14:00.001+08:00

guess what?
i killed a flying cockroach,
with my VICTORIA SECRET BODY MIST!
hey..
i was desperate to kill it..
and my VS body mist looked like the insecticide spray what..

2009-06-03T23:01:00.002+08:00

Now laugh ur asses off.

I WANT THESE!!!!!!

2009-06-03T22:42:00.003+08:00

I badly want em'
Or at least something similar.
I'm gonna start saving when i start work!
yeay~!

and oh,i'm starting to wear bare backs and sleeveless and boob tubes..
a new me coming ur way!

2009-06-03T21:15:00.004+08:00

i've been having a really expensive appetite for the past 2 weeks.
haha.
left with swensens and sakura.
craving already.

i've just done up my plan
and it looks good for now.
i'm an obsessive planner.
i plan and plan and plan.
and keep changing plans.
but usually i follow my plans(:
usually only.
hehe.

and and and....
i'm slowly revitalising my wardrobe
with swaps!
hehe.
i swapped my preloved items with other stuffs online
and i'm a happy girl! ;D
i got new (not exactly new,new) clothes and stuffs
in exchange for those i swear i wun even wear or use anymore.
haha.
feels good.
u ladies shud try it.
it's fun...

2009-06-03T01:04:00.000+08:00

sumpah aku akan potong konek kau.
fair and square.
just don't hit the wrong button(:

2009-06-01T23:27:00.002+08:00

right now,only happy thoughts,happy me.
i can't afford to be stressed,think too much,feel unhappy,be emotional and all.
and I can't gossip!
or say bad things abt anything!
woah~

got to start planning for lotsa things already.
time is sort of running short.
i'll plan tmr if i'm not tired.
but definitely by thursday i need to come up with a proper plan already.
or at least a very good draft by then.

today i got cute freebies!
and i slept like most of the time in the car.
coz i felt like a sleepy donkey.
the doc printed out the picture for me to keep.
and the nurse gave me the freebies which were REALLY useful.

i ate at Gelare at Ehub!
and i found out they serve PORK!
hell,i totally didn't noe that!
totally shocked me just now.
but i still had my waffle and nice cream.hehe.
comfort food indeed.

now feeling tired.
but i felt energy oozing in me after so long i thought it died.
the sensation u get when u've got a new lease of life.
a new chapter.
starting to unfold.
i'm just slowly analyzing my life.
i can't bring my past right now to my future.
i have to leave a lot of things i've yet to accomplish,just for my family.
but i dun even feel the least bit sad or unsatisfied or even regretful.
i just believe right now that i'm starting to head to the direction of my destiny.
and i have strong faith that it is not bleak.
in fact,miracles will definitely happen.....

2009-06-01T09:45:00.002+08:00

don't be all pathetic and think ur helpless and useless all la dude.
ur balls got shoved up in the ass is it..?
what a pity..

ok now I'm officially back blogging and I will bring all of u together with me as I show u my world through my day-to-day stories.
1st up, I'm probably getting married.
Exactly when I wouldn't know.
But I just have to get ready.
Gonna go to the clinic again today and settle over coffee (which I dun drink).
After that only left arrangements for my proper marriage.
Will let u all know the details soon ok..?

Damn,I think I shouldnt have sang in the kitchen so much when I was younger.

Whatever that happens in life,there are life lessons that it will bring. I've learnt to be independent over the years. I've learnt to sacrifice. I've learnt that some things are just better off if u let it fly on its own. The ride is not easy, but at least my husband-to-be had a change of heart,a change of mind. As for love,I hope it eventually develops. I have a future of a family to think of right now,so I can't be selfish. BUT I WON'T GROW ANY FATTER THAN THIS, i promise. Hehe.

Till then,
Dian

2009-05-31T11:27:00.003+08:00

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.

Ironically,
I'm not sad.
Coz nobody deserves ur tears if they dismissed you at the times you needed them the most.

2009-05-31T11:12:00.004+08:00

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same.

when one door closes,another door opens.
love does not make the world go round,ur faith does.
so what if people know how to love but that don't know how to believe?
when it seems like the world collapsed on u,with faith,u know u can survive.
i may not enjoy the best toys,the richest parents,the slimmest figure,the perfect heart and brains..
but I enjoyed a perfect family who never stopped believing in the miracles that I would bring for them.
noone ever had faith in me like they do.
boyfriends come and go.
who needs 1 who doesnt even have faith in himself,let alone others.
i may not be the most perfect gf in the world,but I never stopped believing in what the ppl ard me can do.

"Sudah jatuh,ditimpa tangga."

1 after another huge crisis will attack me like there's noone else in this world.
but it'z okay.
humans will never be able to hide from making mistakes and having problems.
right now,there's only 1 thing I am left to say..

Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!

and indeed,you were never ever able to fill up that tiny whole that makes up my whole heart.because simply,you're just not cut out for me...

2009-05-26T21:14:00.003+08:00

I love all of you..

2009-05-26T21:07:00.001+08:00

I am sorry if I disappointed all of u..but circumstances call for desperate measures. No I'm not turning suicidal or something. Just gg somewhere for awhile..when I have created a new life, I will return for all of you.. goodbye..

xoxo

2009-05-26T21:01:00.002+08:00

I am positive.

I planned out what i had to do. Tmr I will do what is necessary and once i get the 2 main impt factors ready. I am set to go. Don't miss me when I'm gone...

2009-05-26T12:42:00.002+08:00

no one.even cared. and now i'm stuck in this sticky situation i can't get out of. i'm scared.what i f i really am..? feel like running away..i didnt go to school today coz i was too stressed and overwhelmed but the many things that happened lately.. i need a serious rest from all these. i'm gg somewhere to relax on my own..i just need to do it right now...i dun fil like gg to heaven tonite...

2009-05-26T01:42:00.002+08:00

today i feel like ranting whatever i have kept inside of me for so long. i just hate and love myself at the same time. i love the fact that i have a great family,ALWAYS there when I needed anything. and then i have my besties.I am not that Miss Popular or Miss Talented or Beauty Queen or whatever. u can say that i have a pretty low profile. and maybe because i am closely associated with less than 10 ppl in my life, i'm extremely dependent on them to give me support,attention,love,care etc. but, i can sense that somehow,at some point of time,they are not there at all..i'm alone even when i'm with them. funny how i feel that way. i dunno. an interesting fact about me is that i stay home 91% of the time,unless i'm at school/work(of which i'm not working anymore). when i'm in school,i hang out with the loners, or better still,nobody at all. so logically=i will go home and spend forever in there. coz home to me is heaven.and no other person or place can make me feel that way at this point in time. i feel like an outcast. by both my loved ones and strangers. i can't fit in with my classmates, i don't get along well with others. but it's weird how i'm extremely extroverted with my group of frens,family and guys. yup, guys. i have plenty of guy friends and all of them are gerek. haha. they never judged me even when i made a lot of mistakes. they will always ask if i'm okay when i dont contact them for awhile. they wanna hang out whenever i feel like it. pendek kata, when they said "pape picit tau!" they mean it. they care. they will help. they will AT LEAST do something to make it a lil better. and i'm glad they delivered what they promised. i think i'm gonna suffer from a mild depression soon. i have terrible headaches, occasional fever,cough,sore throat and flu. Now i'm having muscle cramps. I have not had my period the whole mth for the 1st time in my life. i eat like there's no tmr. my face is turning rotten with pimples. i'm scared to even look at myself in the mirror. because this is not the dian that i know and saw exactly 1 year before this. haiz.. somebody pls..save me..

2009-05-26T01:31:00.003+08:00

u know when ur at the crossroads,thinking whether to go straight,turn left,turn right or turn around and walk? yeah,i'm at that point. the middle of nowhere. i have plenty of directions that will lead me to different destinys but i dunno which path to take. why must we always regret when we make decisions? of course,for every decision,there's an opportunity cost forgone. u'll know this basic economics theory. but why must we always regret when that person is no longer there for us? i teared a little when someone texted me that he missed me but yet,when i was single and all,he said we wasnt ready or he didnt noe if he liked me. and then now,when i'm relatively happy with someone else,he appears back into my life and said that he actually liked me,missed me. he just realised it. and wow,if he didn't just realise,i'm not interested.anymore. maybe u chuck me aside when u have all ur friends and girls and when they turn silent on u,u find me.pfft. dream on. i teared not because i cared but because i was finally glad that u dared to chuck aside ur ego,for once. i'm impressed. u said ur not gonna "kacau matair org". and finally u texted me. so yeah.. in case you havent realised,i have a life of my own to care about.there's many things i've gotta think abt then having to think abt u.u treat me like a doll huh? well,it's payback time.

2009-05-26T01:27:00.000+08:00

i deserve better than this.

my heart is yours to break

2009-05-23T19:34:00.002+08:00

this is bad.period.as much as any teen would not want this to happen,i have no choice if it does. if i have to be raised this way then why not? i might not have the privileges that others do but i will not be pulled down and i will let this be my motivation to not let my own children suffer like this in the near future. no. god. if it calls for me being a grown up so fast and so sudden, i guess i have to. it's not dat i mind. it's just that i wonder why all these crumble so badly until it gets so hard to catch up. i wonder what caused all these to happen. but like i said,if it does,i will bear with it. no school,no play. just being a full-timer. earning enough to help him. haiz.. i only have an O level cert right now. i wonder if thats gona help me go far enough. but i'll try. i'll work then help as much as i can. the rest i will invest for my own PTE LTD. with much determination and effort,i'm sure we will all pull through from this very soon......we have to..

2009-05-22T12:41:00.003+08:00

Flea Market @ LifeStyle Value 2009

Singapore Expo, Hall 4

24-26 July 2009, Friday - Sunday.

11 am - 9 pm, Free Admission
_____________________________________________

Social Objectives - Exposing Youth Entrepreneurs to a Large World-Class Venue

In line with our social cause to promote youth entrepreneurship, we are excited and pleased to announce the "Flea market @ LifeStyle Value 2009". This venue, we believe, will enhance the confidence and exposure of young entrepreneurs to the fulfilling challenge of showcasing their entrepreneurial talents in a large scale event. In the upcoming LifeStyle Value 2009 show, we will be collaborating with IMG in the flea market segment of the lifestyle fair to boost youth entrepreneurship in Singapore. LifeStyle Value 2009 is supported by the Peoples' Association, Singapore Sports Councial, Spa Association Singapore, and SPH Magazines.

The flea market will be located strategically beside the stage and performance area. This area is ideal and will be a great source of crowds and also entertainment. There will be 96 Stalls open for registration.

What Will the Marketing Campaign Be Like?

Extensive Marketing Campaign

- Advertised and editorial coverage in 12 magazines with a total readership of 726,000

- Online publicity with more than 12 websites highlighting Lifestyle Value 2009

Cita Bella

Female Brides

Her World

Her World Brides

Home & Decor

HWM

Men's Health

Nuyou

Shape

Simply Her

Torque

Young Parents

- Publicity in local newspapers

- Direct Mailers to more than 500,000 households

- Pre & post event publicity on the event

- Special feature in the PAssion newsletter

- Electronic direct mailers to existing 550,000 PAssion Card members

- Publicity at over 105 community clubs and 44 lightboxes islandwide

- More than $350,000 worth of marketing spent on the event

Huge Number of Visitors Guaranteed

On top of the crowds from families and PA members looking for cheap bargains in the fair, we are expecting the following crowds on the following days:

1. Friday - Bargain hunters who respond to the advertising, Office Crowds from Nearby Offices and Industrial Areas, Visitors of the food fair in the neighboring exhibition hall.

2. Saturday - Bargain hunters who respond to the advertising, Family crowds from all over Singapore, Office Crowds, Attendees of Seminars and Conventions in Singapore Expo.

3. Sunday - Family crowds from all over Singapore, Bargain hunters who respond to the advertising, Sunday Worshippers from the City Harvest church, Faith Community Baptist Church, and also visitors of fairs from neighbouring exhibition halls!

So this will be the event that we're gonna participate in. We meaning me,sarep,aliffi and ridz. I will be selling my usual female apparels. Sarep will be selling her accessories. Aliffi and Ridz will be selling maybe Swarovski crystals accessories and also mens wear. Godd I'm definately and extrememly EXCITED! I'm on cloud nine now as I'm typing here.

2009-05-21T22:24:00.003+08:00

Dian = Broke

yeah,and thats gonna stay for quite some time (or maybe a long time)

Payments to clear

*1st : $80 for Singapore Expo Flea Market Lifestyle rental
*2nd: $125 (plus maybe another $50-$100 for accomodation and others) for flight ticket to Bangkok in July
3rd: $100-$150 for "camp"
*4th: $1000 to purchase new stocks for Singapore Expo Flea Market Lifestyle event
5th: $300 for camera
6th: $100 (2 months Internet Bill till July)+ $60 (2 months handphone bill till July)
*7th: $80 for D'FF miscellanous stuffs (like posters,hangers,safety pins,namecards,labels etc)

I dun even wanna calculate all the above mentioned amounts or i'll die of heart attack. To add, i'm no longer working! Plus,remember i told you i owe myself = D'FF Debt? So where the hell do i get the moolah man....JJ arh.. =X

I can omit the above points with asterisks though if I dun participate in that event. BUT HELL I BADLY DO WANT TO!!! The publicity is gonna be unthinkable and unimaginable! Talk abt promoting D'FF! I am going crazy at just the thought of that. I've already mailed the organizer and they allowed me to make payment by next Friday so we're pretty safe for now(: Phew!

OR if I can't save up enough moolah for flight and all, I will go purchase my stocks at my regular suppliers and perhaps from Etrue. Yeay!

AND, even Faiz =Broke

So "camp" is gonna be realllyy tight on budget.. or cancelled. DUN WANT!!

SO HOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

2009-05-16T19:46:00.005+08:00

Photoshoot done. Photos edited. Collection launched! Phew! Happy2...

Beautiful Jahan worked her thang! Piccas time! Yeay~! ;D

For more piccas, please view the collection @ d-fashionfever.livejournal.com!(:

2009-05-15T23:47:00.002+08:00

Sad that i'm really sick and can't audition for tarian comp. If i go i'll probably be unable to breathe. Ergh. Just the wrong time to be sick. Anw, for those who qualified, congratz to you girls! Make SNT proud yeah?(:

Despite the fact I'm hell sick, i hafta do the photoshoot tmr by hook or by crook. And boy am I excited! Get to see beautiful Jahan again after sooo long. I pray hard it doesnt rain tmr or we're dead. Hope tmr ends early enuff so that can edit and launch before we go eat durian with the Lims.

I miss my boifey. Need his TLC to make me recover faster ;D

2009-05-14T20:47:00.003+08:00

I am truly amazed that THAT tactic worked. I received quite a number of different emails in just less than 24 hours! The apparels are all selling like hot cakes. Boy it's been a looongg time since that happened. I am TRULY surprised at how little captions make a HUGE difference. I am understanding more now that I'm taking Retail Buying Behaviour at the moment. Seriously man, we all fall prey to those few words? LOL! Maybe I was guilty of that before? Gosh....hehe... That's what we call Spontaneous shoppers. And there were also those Competitive shoppers. I think around 50% each. We'll see if the percentage changes with the new collection coming right up. Thanks boifey for sharing that trick with me. You better not tell anyone ok. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And oh, I was doing some "Market Research" by reading some replies to many different forums. Apparently many said/agreed that LJs are better than Blogger blogshops. Funny why locals have such weird mentalities or stereotypes but indeed it's true. Dun believe me u research it for urself. There are a few Blogger blogshops that sell really nice clothes and all but people still INSIST to judge em' that way. Oh wells. I guess D'FF did make a good decision of converting it to LJ. The number of people joining the mailing list was rather awesome! Seriously, business has been rather dead for quite a long time that it kinda felt "rejuvenating" when D'FF is back in biz! Feels sensational. Haha.

Ouhkay,side track a bit. Today boifey was lame and we played a lame finger game. I became Superman, Pontianak, Elephant, Sexy Girl and Tempang person using only my fingers. And boifey was some construction worker whose job is to use the crane(my hair clip) to move things around. Nonsense kan? HAHA. But we laughed so hard we teared. I got MC for two days coz I wasn't feeling well. I guess I ought to fall sick. Have been working really hard this week(:

On the flip side, time to catch up!

2009-05-14T02:07:00.002+08:00

AYG!! *ATTENTION PLEASE*

For Saturday's photoshoot, you think you can bring ur lappy? Then after photoshoot we go some where with internet access so that I can do editing and launch? That is IF you manage to get a replacement for urself. Editing and launch wun take that long. Then we go eat durian with the Lims after that kk? Dun forget to bring the mouse too! Can't wait to see you on Saturday!;D

2009-05-11T01:58:00.002+08:00

I was browsing thru my mum's pic folder and I came across these! Man I was slim-a-lim 2 yrs ago..And this is how I've turned into? A freakingg fat pig that can't stop munching. Hell I have to do something abt the excess baggage already! And oh,I was also extremely minah-ish last time. No surprise -.-' So u can't call me a minah now if you dunno what a true minah means. HAHA. AND AND AND,i think me and my bro swapped weights coz he looked fatter then. =P

2009-05-10T22:29:00.004+08:00

I did some serious work over the weekends. Spent like 85% of my time on the comp and resting, another 15% bathing,eating and what have you... I managed to make my D'FF blog have collapsable posts. So YEAY! Dun be jealous hor~ AND AND AND.... D'FF is now on LJ too!! Cool huh? I must say, both the LJ and Blogger attracts different crowd/audience/people/target cuz usually ppl spend time on only 1 of the blog webs. I learnt to do trial and error for codings. Boy did I feel like giving up on the codings! The collapsable post was tricky but navigating LJ in 1 day was TRICKIER & CRAZIER! It's sooooooo freakingg hard to understand LJ. But I did extremely well for a 1st-timer so applaud please! HAHA! -self praise is necessary when you have personally achieved something that you never thought you could have- I am blessed with some IT skills,hidden talent huh..? Keke... SNT did pick the right Blog Mistress after all. Ouh yes, will update and revamp SNT blog again..Soon.. =)

I have been asked soo many times this week regarding my blogshop and this is wat I hafta say. My blogshop started really or kinda, strong. Recommended by MANY people during FlirtyNights and did even better during RegalGirl. Then I decided to change to D'FF. At 1st it was like a lil crappy. Response not that great. I felt like giving up when there were totally no customers for a whole week (or was it a couple?)! I wondered why..Thought it might be my web design, products, competition or maybe even recession..?

And then I discovered something, my advertising was not useful AT ALL! I spent $50 a month for a useless advertiser. Boy it annoys me. I just changed to a new one veryy recently and my business is starting to pick up again. I have currently overwhelming response and backorders for my make up palettes (like all of a sudden oni), so I might be bringing in more or perhaps, I WILL be bringing in more. As for the apparels, it's starting to sell again, received more customers and might be launching Collection #3 next weekend perhaps?(:

Godd... Luckily I persevered AND went all out to find the root of the problem. I also revamped my blog as mentioned just now and thought of new ways to bring out or enhance the D'FF label/brand recognition to locals. Ouh yes, speaking of which, if I were to make it rich one day with my business, I will hire my boifey to be my Marketing Director by day and sex slave by night. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It certainly pays to have a boifey that takes Diploma in Marketing huh? hehe...AND an affectionate 1 indeed.. *wink2*

In addition, don't be surprise if I tell you I'm broke even when I'm running a relatively profitable biz here. The reason is, if you take accounting,you will know that personal account is not related to the business account. Totally separate entities okay. AND, I owe myself big bucks already. Weird right? Owing myself? pfft, but according to accountings, I am. I owe myself nearly 200 bucks! I seriously gotta pay myself back man.. Nemind, pay half 1st. Coz need to save at least $100 for "camp". After that got internet and phone bills to take care of, GOOD LUCK DIAN!

Ouh,since I know how to make collapsable posts, I might be revamping my blog and SNT's blog with it TAPI not anytime that soon. Coz might be having photoshoot this weekend and launch too. Sooo... we see how next next week hor(:

Ouhkay so far,this is the longest blog post ever typewritten by me. Phew! Okla,toodles! ;D

2009-05-08T21:53:00.001+08:00

2009-05-08T00:33:00.002+08:00

nak gi shopping......pls...? nak lace dresses...nak crochet throwovers...nak mcm2 seii.. nak sexy babydolls and chemises... NAK SEMUA!!!!! tapi skrg my wallet ngah financial crisis... SEDIHNYER~!! Sumpah aku sedih. Bila mau kaya Dian........... asek kayap jek. stress betol. pfft.

AYG!!! Sumpah I love you. Besok lunch with me and your cuzzie yeah? ok tnx bye. hehe.

2009-05-04T21:06:00.003+08:00

I seriously need to sleep already but it's not 12am yet. So I wanna post this up so that you can read it while I'm asleep. Happy 13 months Anniversary sweetheart! I love you verryy much.. Can't wait to see you tmr after school and not forgetting our little "camping" trip next month. Excited liao! Hehe.. Hope we will have a blissful relationship and a truly loving one indeed... Amin. lol. Okay I wanna sleep now =P

2009-05-03T22:14:00.001+08:00

ModFaced is officially launched! Happy2...

2009-04-28T22:58:00.001+08:00

Go on, enlarge the pic and have a good laugh. Coz we did. Haha.

2009-04-28T22:40:00.001+08:00

I love this pic but I hate that kotak unglam pt blkg tu.. -.-' spoiler!

The primadonna is in the house!

Okay finally a decent pic.

2009-04-23T23:53:00.002+08:00

Went out with boifey to chill at Tanjong Rhu. Feeling2 hot stuff eh dian.stop it siaa. lol.

Check out our ride babey~! ;D Da feeling2 sexy abeh jatoh cam nangka busuk. pantat lebam sei. sakit! =(

2009-04-20T23:16:00.001+08:00

Alritey babeh, I will update the lovely SNT blog when CCA Recruitment is done & over with so that I can update & blog about more stuffs aye..? I'm soooo gonna reel in LOADS of male tarian-ers for SNT. GUYS, LIKE SERIOUSLY, YOU COMPLETE THE DANCE OKAY! GIRLS ARE SEXY BUT WITH GUYS THEY'RE SEXIER! lol. okay merepek. but got a point too. nyeahehe. Sarep, lets just reel in the hotties for SNT male tarian-ers. HAHAHA!

Anw, today went to meet customer & saw Breesco! (Or was it brisko? or breezeco or OKAY WTV LA KAN)Sarep was like, "Eh dat guy! Breesco!" and she ducked away. I was superr unglam la with my roti boyan in my mouth & on my hands & I just stood there in front of him & his gf for a good 2 seconds staring into him. Coz I was bloody shocked! I practically froze coz 1st, I was trying to register who dis guy was & 2nd, he was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hensem la kan. Mcm mesmerized for a moment there. Now that you're reading this, you have to read up the continuation which is EVEN funnier.

He stared into my eyes and pointed into my face and said "Eh!!" To add, his face was soooooooooooooooooooooooo shocked & guilty like as if at one point of time in his life he cheated on me or bastard me or sumthing. Like hello?? I dun even now u?? Mistaken identity, perhaps?? LOL. So it was like totally merepek la the whole incident. I think he was probably shocked himself coz probably I looked scary with a stuffed roti boyan in my mouth. HAHAHAHA!! And all thanks to Sarep for jolting me when I was eating my roti boyan like as if I never eaten my whole life causing this whole lame incident to happen.

Where are you arh TMF........ whole day never kol me... =(

2009-04-19T22:22:00.003+08:00

And oh, to add, your latest post made it sound like as if I was desperate for you ( "clinging on") of which I clearly am not. If you feel different, think I'm different, then okay. What do you want from me??? If you can't accept me for who I am, then it's okay, like I said, I won't force you to. You love me..? Really..? Oh wells.. *rolls eyes*

If asking your loved one to call you twice a day is such a burden, I'm sorry I created the biggest fuss & sin in the whole world. Now I wish I was a smoker & alcoholic so that I'll get wasted & forget everything that happened.

2009-04-19T22:14:00.002+08:00

I managed to launch a mini collection as models are really busy nowadays.. So yeah, soon enough I won't be working as I don't have time to.. Anw, went for facial just now and it bloody hurts siaaaa the extraction. OUCH!

2 GORGEOUS LADIES, 2 CRAZY MODELS. ;D

2009-04-19T00:09:00.003+08:00

I slept with just a robe last night. Coz I wanted to feel light & comfy. AND, thanks to that I woke up half naked coz the robe so-called tertanggal. -.-' lol. Silly me. I smiled and prepared everything for photoshoot, got ready for my facial and then I read something. The pain came back all over again. Now we're back to square 1. AGAIN. pfft. You know what? It's okay. I am not gonna tolerate all these dragging and nonsense drama again. So I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS. I'M SORRY IF I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'M SORRY I'M NOT PERFECT BUT I WILL TRY TO BE. I'M SORRY I'M A BURDEN. I'M SORRY IF I WAS TOO SENSITIVE. I'M SORRY IF YOU HATE THE NEW ME (OR STILL THE OLD ME). I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I PROMISE I WON'T FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME UNLESS YOU YOURSELF WANT TO. AND I PROMISE I WON'T ASK ANYTHING EVER FROM YOU AGAIN COZ I DON'T WANNA BE A BURDEN. OKAY??? I'M SORRY! Now just freaking stop saying all that coz it hurts me a..l..o..t.. okay..? just stop there..please..i beg you...........

2009-04-17T16:03:00.014+08:00

So I managed to retrieve my love's folder and boy am I amazed at our short series of gradual transformation. From short hair to long hair, straight to curly hair, black to red hair, makeup & without, sememek & dolled up etc2..Just see for yourself yeah..? Some are like superrr selenge bacen. Muke merepek. LOL. Here you go... ;D

That's all for now..(:

2009-04-16T23:26:00.009+08:00

Eh korg I want the piccas & vids!!! Send to me pls via msn. Thank you syg2ku semua.. (flirtynights@hotmail.com) Ini jek yg I ader... SNT Outing gerek gilerzzzz~!!!Sape2 tk dtg missed out on the fun. HAHA. okay (jahat sei dian). Kiter gi picnic, then karaoke-ed tau~!! Next 1 makeover coming right up yeah?? YEAY~!!! ;D

SNT Video 1 @ Yahoo! Video

SNT Video 2 @ Yahoo! Video

SNT Video 3 @ Yahoo! Video